Vivv’s Totally Reasonable List of Red Flags She’s Definitely Ignoring
A messy, sarcastic, emotionally repressed character rant in listicle form. (She’s fine. Really.)
Listen, I don’t technically have a type. But if I did, it would be emotionally unavailable weirdos with god complexes and jawlines that could slice deli meat. I know what you’re thinking—Vivv, babe, maybe just go for the nice barista with stable employment and a non-haunted past? And I hear you. I do. I’m just ignoring you. Like I ignore the following:
1. He has a "reputation." You know what? So do I. Maybe the town thinks he’s trouble. Maybe they whisper things like "he's not right in the head" or "that boy’s got eyes like a storm’s coming." Whatever. Red flag? More like red hot.
2. He won’t tell me his last name. Okay, sure. Normal people generally have last names. But maybe he’s just mysterious. Or in witness protection. Or a former indie rock bassist who faked his own death. Who am I to judge?
3. We keep almost hooking up in increasingly inappropriate places. The library. The backroom at Mel’s café. A forest trail while we were hiding from—never mind. Anyway, I’m sure that’s fine. Definitely not an impulse-control issue. Definitely not foreshadowing.
4. Every time he touches me, my nervous system does parkour. Honestly? Probably trauma. But also? Hoo-boy. That man has a thumb stroke that should be illegal in at least five states.
5. I caught him talking to himself in a mirror once. It wasn’t, like, scary. He was whispering. Affectionately. To the mirror. Probably just working through some things. We all need a pep talk now and then, right?
6. He knows things he shouldn’t know. Like my old nickname. Or the exact brand of cigarettes my birth mom used to smoke. Or the layout of my childhood home. But honestly, what is privacy anymore? We all have Google.
7. The cat hisses at him. To be fair, Pickles hisses at everyone. But she also clawed the mailman and then cuddled up to a local ghost tour guide, so her standards are questionable.
8. He said, and I quote, "I’d do anything to keep you here." In context, it was probably romantic. Out of context, it sounds like the opening line of a Netflix true crime doc. But you know what? Love is complicated.
9. I’m 87% sure he’s the reason my van door was open that one morning. ...Or a raccoon got in. Who’s to say? He did find my favorite hoodie I lost last week under the passenger seat, and that seems...helpful? Maybe?
10. He hasn’t actually done anything bad. Yet. And if I keep telling myself that, I don’t have to deal with the fact that my heart is doing the Macarena every time he breathes in my direction.
So yes. These might be red flags. But they also might be… crimson mysteries wrapped in emotional chaos topped with an unholy amount of sexual tension.
Anyway. I’m fine. Probably.
Stay nosy,
